Change is neccessary in life.

So a few of my friends back home are having a bit of a struggle with a few things. I wrote this about a week before I left for France, and only a few have seen it, but one friend in particular needs to cheer up and be inspired by life again. I am not claiming that this will do it, because, well I wrote it, let's be honest, I'm destined to be a teacher, not a writer, but well, I hope it helps you at least a little. Everyone else, sorry this has nothing to do with France.

Change is good right? Or it’s supposed to be.

It’s supposed to propel you from one moment in life into a new one.

 It’s supposed to bring hard things, but good as well.

But here’s the thing.

How do we know that the choices we make towards this change are good for us in the long run?

We take chances, big chances that can either make or break us.

Most of us are on the verge of the breaking side.

Most people my age are scared shitless of failure.

Fear of failing to live up to the expectations of parents, siblings, peers, professors, and themselves.

We let this fear guide us in our decisions, so we choose the career that is safe and will make them proud,

or we can choose to follow our hearts, and end up either falling on our asses,

or completely succeeding further than we could have ever imagined.

We could be the accountant calculating every last breath behind a cubicle smaller than our brains.

Or we could be the rockstar singin’ in a bar hoping one day, one day it’s gonna’ happen.

We could be safe in our perfect little houses all lined up right in a row,

but I’d rather be the sad pathetic girl with thousands of  dollars in loans,

singing at the bar, than selling my soul, and everything I once believed in

to someone who thinks it’s what is best for me.  

Is there a set answer out there,

something I’m missing?

Some strategic ‘how to’ plan on success and life, and no regrets?

I think that the answer is, we don’t know. We never will, and that is just how life works,

it’s meant to be vague and messy and unbelievably hard, because if it wasn’t,

when something great and big and amazing did happen…it wouldn’t feel big or amazing,

it would just be another good thing that happened.

Life is messy,

change is scary,

but both must happen.

I am scared to death that I have made one mistake too many,

and taken the wrong road too many times,

that I will never fully get to where I need to end up.

I have learned that being afraid of things you can’t control

is pointless, but it is also common.

There is no way of knowing what will be, what could be, or

where you will end up in 10, 20 or even30 years.

 Will you have that dream job, the family, and the white picket fence?

Is that even what you want?

Or just what you’re programmed to want.

Will there ever be that moment where you realize ‘this is it’ ,

this is what I want, and I am finally where I need to be?

I have to believe that there will be that moment.

I have to believe it like I used to believe

the tooth fairy exchanged teeth for wishes and some spare change,

or that Santa Claus could travel all around the world in just one night

and still have time to bring magic to our lives,

like I still believe in God.

 Like every night I spend talking to myself praying to something bigger than me,

bigger than us.

I have to believe it because if I don’t

I have to believe I won’t know what to believe.

There are things we all believe in and trust without proof that it is there.

Love swirls in our minds like the winter wind whipping at our faces,

faith gets dropped easier than that the words ‘I love you’,

courage is harder to find in a college student than happiness in our parents.

But we try,

and we strive to believe,

and like those children still barely there inside of us,

we hold on to this as we once held each other.

I have faith that there will be that moment,

change will happen,

decisions will be made, paths will be crossed,

and changed,

re-routed…but eventually

we all end up where we were meant to be.

We just have to believe.